Alright, after some decision and growls, I decided to simply republish what little ScribeFire did auto save…over…and…over..and forgive it as it isn’t perfect. But it’s quite a shock to me. I poured an hour and more into this poem, giving it creative twists and the like that tie in with the poem, but I frankly can not be asked to do it all over again. Bad night for me. I’m sorry ScribeFire, but, it’s time for me to let you go. You’re no use to me.
If I were a monkey, do I need to throw poo?
If I were a chimpanzee, do I need to yell?
If I were a human, do I need to talk?
If I were a dead man, do I need to be quiet?
And if I were a monkey, why do I need to throw poo?
And if I were a chimpanzee, why do I need to yell?
And if I were a human, why do I need to talk?
And if I were a dead man, why do I need to be quiet?
Why can’t monkeys be different?
Why are chimpanzees so similar?
Why are humans so alike?
Why are dead men so uniform?
What if monkeys could throw apples?
Why can’t chimpanzees be dissimilar?
Why are humans so like-minded?
Why are dead men so silent?
Maybe monkeys can change?
What if chimpanzees could fly?
Why can’t humans be unique?
Why are dead men so dead?
Doesn’t Mother Nature ever get
bored of the same thing
occuring over a number of years
until something finally changes for once?
It’s fantastic that you’re devoting that much time to artistic endeavors
Art is great because it can bring this crazy life into perspective
In your poem you are focusing on stereotypes, why do we have to do the things we do
And you end your poem asking why nature does the thing it does
I’d just like to tell u again how awesome it is that you were able to get into the process of making this poem
Get into it and revise and rework it
That drive and motivation is very important and you have it
The key now is to develop your skills
To understand yourself more, and how you express yourself. After all poetry is self expression, no one is quite like you, you are a unique universe to yourself, and through poetry you can communicate your universe to others.
You should begin to read other poetry to see examples of developed skill. Your young so you should start with some easy stuff, say dr. sues lol, hes actually awesome. But no I’m not sure of good poets for you to read at your age, but if your search you will eventually find one you like and then two and many from there.
In your poem you ask if Mother Nature should get bored
But it seems maybe that you yourself feel bored
Often we do this
Project our own feelings onto the world
Sometimes its good to use metaphors to express our own emotion, in this case I think the poem would have hit harder if you wrote about what you were feeling.
Poetry is about letting emotion out
The closer you get to the vein of what you’re trying to express
The more visceral and strong the poem is going to be
And though its painful when we express our true feelings
We are able to move forward
So here maybe you could have wrote about your boredom artistically
And why you can’t be what you wish you to be
Talk about what you want to be
Talk about why you can’t be it
Talk about your hardship
Talk about the things you love
And get deeper at the source of these things
And keep making your words ring prettier and prettier
This may seem overwhelming
I’m sure it will
But you are young and if you can listen
You could be a brilliant poet by the time your 21
I will check regularly to see new drafts of poems you have made ok?
So keeps em coming. I would like to hear more about u! Express what you feel. This is a hard thing to learn to do and feel good about, but if you do, mmmm the relief and the strength you will gain is beautiful.
It’s hard not to mask our deepest feelings, we feel exposed when we do, but poetry is about exposure
It’s about being real.
I thought it was a great start
Good luck cutie!
Erm, either you’re mistaking me for a girl or I just don’t think I’m all that much of a cute guy. But sure, I’ll give it a try. Just what to write…
Ha I knew you were a guy and I do think ur cute! go out and get some poetry books they will show you that you can write about anything that seems powerful to you in the moment! Be easy, it will come to you when it comes. Good luck