Slice of Paper » remember

Slice of Happiness

terreh — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 19:20:12 +0000

The only things that make me happy are things I do myself. I haven’t found anyone with enough interests in common to share with. You, I don’t know what to say. I could say a lot of things. But I don’t know how I even feel about you besides the fact that I’m emotionally attached to you. In regards as to who you are to me, I really don’t know and can’t say anything without lying to you. In terms of everyone else, they’ve all got that certain little odd quirk that prevents me from sharing myself with them.

Since I’m really the only one that can make my face light up nowadays; I’m constantly searching for things that’ll make me feel like I’m worth something. I carry around this void inside of me as if I’m lacking something I can’t figure out.

At least you know what’ll make you happy. I don’t. I’ve been searching and searching for some time now, and no luck. It’s like looking for a book in a disorganized library. You know that somewhere, that something you’re looking for exists right there. But you don’t have a way to pull it out of the mess. There’s no Dewey Decimal System or directory. There’s only a list of what’s come and returned, and you’re sure that it’s here. With this in mind, you dig around for that special thing. Over time, you grow ever so increasingly desperate to find it as you slowly lose hope that it’s there. You start to look for alternatives, replacements, other ways to fill that void. But none could ever be as good as that one thing you tried to find. It’s like a toy I had when I was a little boy.

There were three shapes and three holes. You had to find the shape that fit and filled the right hole. If you tried to put a circle in the square, it wouldn’t fill up the entire square hole. There’s empty space left unfilled. The same applies here. Should I find myself unable to find that one idea that’ll make me perfectly happy, I’ll try to fill it with something else. But it’s never gonna be as good as the proper thing I need. The void will still exist. There’ll still be holes. Just like how the corners are left empty when you put a circle in a square hole. It might fit, but it won’t fill. If it doesn’t even fit inside at all, then it won’t even fill the void to any amount or degree.

What do you think I need to do?

Slice of Curiosity

terreh — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:34:15 +0000

Whatever will I do? It’s summer, and I haven’t a thing to do. I feel like I’m lacking something. Probably because of the same reason I always feel lacking. I wanna do something. But there’s so much I could do, but I can’t spend my time doing them all. I wanna commit to one project, but how?

There’s so much that could be done, but how am I to decide? Openness is the greatest thing in the world, yet with it comes the greatest troubles.

What am I to do now? Well I’ve got a blog, might as well use it right? I should post on that everyday, try to get some traction on subscriber count.

…Right. I can do this.

…Just think of something.

Something.

A Slice of Loneliness

terreh — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:39:50 +0000

Oh gosh. I have no life whatsoever. I’m sitting here at pretty much midnight and I still haven’t even touched my homework. I think over my life. But I’m too lazy to do that.

Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! Keyboard keys clack as I press them one by one. Even though I’ve never really taken any typing classes, I can type fairly well without looking at the keyboard. Imprinted, I know all the keys. Colors and shades burn into my eyes because I never blink. In a world of endless entertainment, the internet serves as the best media out there. Everything’s on there. From music at Axcid to video at YouTube, all the entertainment I could ever want is right here. Friends, family, social networking does everything from the computer. But is it enough?

I’ve stared into a bright white light all my life. From first grade to tenth, I’ve traveled the lands of the internet. YouTube’s been nice; I’ve subscribed to a couple people. MySpace was weird for me, but I moved on with Facebook not long afterwards. Wikipedia was a world of information, and daily newspapers are available online. Now in the Blogosphere, I’m writing a little bit of everything I can think of. I’ve given up on running my site, and found a calling. But is this really it? My life, all in an electronic box?

My life couldn’t be completely encased in a box of metal. No, it couldn’t be, it just couldn’t. I mean, there are people out there who’s spent their entire lives online with no friends in person that they could just hop in a car and drive out to. But what have I done outside of computers? Everything I have, everything I’ve done has had something to do with a computer. I got my friends through the internet. I got everything through the internet. The internet is my life.

So then, what am I? Am I just a computer nerd? Is that it? But it can’t be; I mean, there has to be much more to me than just computers. What have I been doing when I’m away from the computer?

Nothing really. Other than just hang out with people. my life is a dull pit of electronics.

Listening to the hum of my hard drive, I can’t help but wonder. What now?

A Slice of Bus Passes

terreh — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:30:13 +0000

Today was a very bad day. I was already running late for school and I wasn’t going to see Pepper because I had to see a teacher about an assignment she has questions on. Tired, sleepy, and aching, I had to make my way to school.

It was 8:44AM. The door had just shut behind me. A warm winter breeze blew across my face. Feeling happy and giddy, I looked at the time. I already missed two buses. The wind blew pitifully behind me, and I jumped to the road, hitting the ground running. Tile after tile of sidewalk fell out of sight as I raced down the cement path. Staring at the horizon, wishing I was already there, I ran even harder! By now I was practically picking myself up because I was tripping every step along the way! My legs were on fire, dashing down the hill! Am I gonna make it? Am I going to miss the next bus? Worries flooded my mind, but I kept running and running! I made it all the way down but can I run up the next? Clack-clack-clack! Each footstep was like a booming earthquake as I stomped the ground, launching my shuttle shoes with rocket fuel, blasting me all the way up to the top!

Sizzling rubber and plastic, my shoes have burned their very soles into the ground. But I made it. I made it in time for the bus. I wasn’t in the clear yet though. Tick-tock-tick-tock, time ticks down to the minute I can sit down and get some help on my work. Miraculously, the bus arrives! Two yellow lights flicker in the distance! Three numbers stay a solid green on the display and the colossal machine pulls into the lane. I reach into my little white box. But where was my card? I looked in all the pockets and crevices in my backpack, but no sign of the card! I tore and poured open the box, unleashing my games from their boxed prison. They wage war with the ground as they drop, smashing into the ground but the bus pass was nowhere. I had forgotten it.

I hastily gathered up my games and stuffed them back inside. I whipped out my phone and called home. Telling them what just happened, they point out something really stupid of me to overlook. I had money with me. Paying for the bus for once wouldn’t hurt. But the bridge had burned away. The bus had left. I had begun to run back. Tired and desperate, I sprinted all the way back. Down the hill and up, I desperately made my way through and back home.

Slipping back inside, I grabbed my card from underneath my Big Big Loader and flew out the door! No time to waste! School was waiting and I couldn’t let it stay like this any longer! I raced down the hill and up another! Fly Terry, fly! Spread your wings and soar to the top of the sky and catch the bus! Managing to reach the top, I celebrated with joy! But have I become tardy? The happiness doesn’t last long. But at least, I learned something today.

Never. Ever. Forget. The. Pass.